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Termination Terminating a pregnancy

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Old 08-03-2009, 06:09 PM
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Eaton Eaton is offline
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Default I still question myself

I have tried not to think about this and wasn't going to post but I feel I haven't got myself sorted emotionally yet. Today when I took Nicola swimming we had a lovely time. She swam for the first time by herself (with armbands) but and as I say BUT

when we left it was the start of the disabled swimming and there was this loveing so beautiful boy there about to go in who was down syndrome. I looked at him and he smiled back, all I could think was, what did his mum think when she had him....???? What would that lad think of me if he knew exactly what I had done...

All I can think is WHY? Why did I do it....This is when I can't cope..

I know everyone will say I did it for Jack but this is when I think "NO" I did it for me....
Me 44 DH 49 DD24 DD21 DS18 DD8 and sadly one angel DS in heaven with Down Syndrome born 22/06/08.... and DD3

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Old 08-03-2009, 06:41 PM
raccioc raccioc is offline
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Aw Tina,

I am so sorry you are feeling so awful. I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through so don't think I can be of very much help. All I can say is that you did what you did becuase you thought that was the best thing at the time, and that is all any of us can do.

I really do not know what I would have done in your position, really I don't.

I am sorry I am not too sure what else to say, but we are all here for you to help you through. I hope someone else who has been through similar will come on here and offer some words of wisdom. I am pretty sure there must be someone....

Rachel (45), DH (47) - M/C November 2005, DD, Rhiannon born October 2006 and DS, James born July 2009

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Old 08-03-2009, 07:04 PM
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Clareok Clareok is offline
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Have you ever had counselling? I do wonder if it would help to talk to someone who will just listen sympathetically.

I wish I could find words of wisdom - all I know is that you did what you felt was best at the time, and it's SUCH a traumatic thing to have gone through that it truly is no surprise that you are feeling the way you do. I am just so incredibly sorry that this had to happen in the first place

Lots of love
40 yr old SAHM of 3 girls aged 16, 14 and 12 and 3 boys, aged 6,3 and 16m
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Old 08-03-2009, 07:10 PM
*julie* *julie* is offline
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Tina, you must try to be kind to yourself. It's still such a short time since you lost Jack and you can't expect to come to terms with something like this in a hurry. Obviously you'll never get over it, but you will learn to live with it.

About 6 years ago a friend of mine made the same decision as you. She works with disabled adults and decided that she didn't want to have a disabled child. It was a very hard decision, but she felt it was right for her, her husband, her little boy & her unborn baby. She saw how difficult it could be for a disabled adult & didn't want that for her child. Once she had had the termination many people expected her to be 'back to normal' almost straight away. She found it so hard as she was expected to carry on with her life & so few people even acknowledged that she's lost a baby.
What helped her most was talking about her son with people who would listen, even if they didn't know what to say. Most of her family acted (and still act) as if she'd never had him.

She regretted it for a long time and is was so hard to watch her suffer, but now she is 'OK' about it. She still likes to talk about her son, but does so with pride, just like she does with her living son.

You will get there Tina, but you have to give yourself time.


DH & I are both 46.
We have 5 children; sons aged 22, 20, 18 & 15 and a daughter aged 12. I joined the site after DH had a VR in the hope of conceiving no.6. Sadly that never happened & we've now given up on that idea!
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Old 08-03-2009, 07:30 PM
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Baltimore Mom Baltimore Mom is offline
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Hugs Tina:

I can't add much to what the other ladies have said. I can't imagine what you are going through. I agree with Julie, talking about him can be so healing. When my grandniece died last spring, my niece would spend hours talking about her to friends and family and although most of us didn't know exactly what to say, it helped with her grief. Are there support groups in your area for parents who have experienced what you have? Be gentle with yourself.

Me 45, DH 46, 2MCs in 2005. Our beautiful son, Julien, was born June 18, 2007. 1 MC 2010. Hoping to add one more.
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Old 08-03-2009, 07:52 PM
Helena Helena is offline
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I agree with others that talking about Jack would maybe help...counselling is a good idea as Clare suggested. You have been through such a terrible thing. Thinking of you xx
Me born 1962 DH born 1963 married 1982 DS 1985 DS 1989 DD 2006

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Old 08-03-2009, 09:36 PM
Pandora Pandora is offline
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I can't add much more to what has been said, but I just wanted to give you my support at a time when some people have felt that this site has been a bit lacking in it.
All I would say is try to be kind to yourself. You did what you thought was right at a very difficult time and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. No-one has the right to judge you on it.
Also, I would second (or should it be third) Clare's suggestion about counselling. I honestly think that talking to the right, trained person about it could help you a great deal.

Gillian xx
dd1(21), dd2 (17), ds(11) and dd3(5)
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