Hi I'm new and looking for advice

[Caro43]

Hi. I'm hoping someone can advise me. Im 43 and my DH is 42. We have one DS who will be 3 in August. I had a mc in March 09 at 14 weeks. We had found out through CVS at 12 weeks that our baby had edwards syndrome. We decided to try again but in Dec 09 a scan at 9 weeks showed that our baby had just died. We decided then and there that we would be grateful for our beautiful little boy and would not try again. However, I have just missed a period and a test today shows I am pregnant. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I would love to have another baby but just can't seem to feel positive about being pregnant. Everything I read seems to say I have little chance of a successful outcome to this pregnancy and I don't know how to get through the next few weeks of waiting and wondering. It would be great to hear from anyone who has been through anything similar or anyone who has any suggestions to keep me sane!!
Thanks
Caroline.

[twinkleteds]

Originally Posted by Caro43

Hi. I'm hoping someone can advise me. Im 43 and my DH is 42. We have one DS who will be 3 in August. I had a mc in March 09 at 14 weeks. We had found out through CVS at 12 weeks that our baby had edwards syndrome. We decided to try again but in Dec 09 a scan at 9 weeks showed that our baby had just died. We decided then and there that we would be grateful for our beautiful little boy and would not try again. However, I have just missed a period and a test today shows I am pregnant. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I would love to have another baby but just can't seem to feel positive about being pregnant. Everything I read seems to say I have little chance of a successful outcome to this pregnancy and I don't know how to get through the next few weeks of waiting and wondering. It would be great to hear from anyone who has been through anything similar or anyone who has any suggestions to keep me sane!!
Thanks
Caroline.

Hi there Caroline and welcome!!

you will get lots of sound advice on here. i dont have anything useful to say im afraid as i havent experienced anything like you.

there is a lady on here who swears by a small amount of aspirin but again not knowing your medical history i wouldnt say this will help you.
hope all is well for you and this time its right. take care Tina

[Ruth Walker]

Welcome Caroline and good luck, I hope this one works out just fine for you. The only observation I can make is that when I was pregnant with my son, it seemed like it would be a miracle if he would be born alive and healthy, given how the odds seemed. I felt so negative and was convinced it would all go wrong. But looking back now, when I'm not pregnant, the odds seem very different and more favourable (and of course, my son was fine). The thing to hold on to is that whilst yes, the risks of miscarriage and abnormality are higher for us than for younger women, we are still more likely to have a healthy child than not. There is a lady on here who had a healthy baby girl, after having a boy with Edward's syndrome, and many who have had successful pregnancies after multiple miscarriages. You are on the roller-coaster now and all you can do is let yourself experience everything in its rightful place, in other words, hope while there is hope, knowing that if it should sadly go wrong, there will be time enough to be sad or anxious then. But I hope there are only happy times ahead for you with this one.
xxx

[raccioc]

Totally empathise Caroline as I didn't believe I would have a healthy baby following my m/c until I held my daughter in my arms when she was born. In fact, when I was about 8 months pregnant I said something to a customer of mine which began with the words "if I have a baby...." Said customer looked at me as though I was barking mad!

Anyway, she is alive and well and has a baby brother too!

I think the best thing to do is to get a scan as early as possible so you know where you are, anything after 7 weeks or so will show a heartbeat if it is there.

I took aspirin following my m/c but I don't know if it worked or whether my subsequent pregnancies on it would have worked anyway. Also, when I conceived the baby I miscarried my dh was a smoker. He immediately gave up once I had had the m/c and hasn't smoked since. The babies I have had were both conceived with non smoking sperm, but again, I don't know whether this was just a co-incidence or whether him giving up smoking helped.

Hang in there - there is no easy answer to help you through the next few weeks. It's going to be hard I am afraid, but we are all here to support you, and plenty of us know how you feel. I think once you have experienced m/c you never take pregnancy foregranted again.

[jomama]

Hi Caroline

Congratulations on your pregnancy - although I know how hard it is in those early weeks.

I have no words of wisdom - I am never very good in those early stages, always checking everytime I go to the loo for any m/c signs, feeling every pain/twinge etc etc, but I always try and think positive .

You will gets lots of support from the great ladies on here.

Take care of yourself, especially in these early weeks.
J

[Caro43]

I want to say thank you for the really supportive replies. They mean so much. Me and my hubby have decided to take your advice and hope where there is hope. Im trying really hard to think positive and know that if the worse does happen, there will be plenty of time to grieve then. It would be lovely to give our little lad a sibling. Im not sure how he would feel about it though. He wasn't in the best mood when we walked the dog this morning. I pointed out a young baby in a pram. His response? "Yak, I don't like babies." Andy Pipkin in the making!! Im still trying to pluck up courage to see my GP. I feel a bit daft after being so adamant we would not try again. Im also know he will want me to have a scan straight away and they have come to mean nothing but bad news to me now. Somehow it feels safe at the moment with just me and hubby knowing. I know I have to face it though. Thanks again for the support. You really are the best ladies.!!

Caroline.