in the doghouse

[poohbear]

As predicted, DH was understandably upset that he never even knew I was PG till the time of my MC, but I didn't expect him to take my reasons for keeping things under wraps with him so poorly.

He will hardly even speak to me now. Yesterday, I was getting what felt like minor labor pains and still bleeding, but he didn't care. He has been going about messing up the kitchen and leaving it for me to clean up, complaining about everything, and not lifting a finger to help with Nate (who is sick) or anything else, as a form of punishment, I guess.

I told him that I knew from the start things probably wouldn't work out...it was a gut feeling I had. I told him that I wished I could have let him know first about my PG as I had with all our other babies, but that I was extremely worried from the start and knew he would just feed into that. As it was, I spent nearly 2 months chewing my nails and literally pulling out my hair, just waiting for something to go wrong, and it did.

I also reminded him of when I found out I was PG with Nate, how he rushed out and told everyone including people outside the family, and this very thing could have happened with my last baby, too...then who would have had to tell the bad news?

He demanded to know last night, "What made you so sure you were going to miscarry when you've never had one before???" I told him even women much younger than I have MC, often multiple times, and what made him think I was exempt, especially at my age? He said, "You just had a healthy baby a few years ago!" I told him that was no guarantee that the next one would be all right, especially being as old as I am. I said I'd been extremely fortunate to have had 4 healthy pregnancies and babies in a row, and never to have had to go through the sorrow of losing one before this. I could not get through to him.

I said that as soon as I had gotten a scan and seen a living, normal baby in my womb, I would have rushed home to tell him the good news, but for some gut reason just didn't think it was right with this one.

I just didn't want to hear the blaming when something went wrong, either. As it was, he said, "What were you doing hauling boards the other day?" (He had removed a cabinet and I'd tried to help by tossing the pieces outdoors.) I couldn't get it through to him that there had been something wrong from the start, and that nothing I did after conception caused this. He went on and on wanting to know what went wrong and why, and I couldn't get through to him that there is just sometimes something known as a bad egg.

I know people will probably not be too sympathetic with me, as most would think I ought to have told him from the start, but I just needed to vent. I did what I thought was the least stressful thing for me at the time, and it backfired, I guess...

[JayJay]

(((PB)))

I can only send you a hug and say that you did what you felt was right for you and your family. In time I hope your Dh will come to see that.

Thinking of you

Jay

[ann]

Oh Lynne Im so sorry he's acting like this,
and please DO NOT OVER DO THINGS, if he wants to make a mess and live in a dump for now leave him to it.

He needs to understand that you need to rest and take things easy,
rightly or wrongly you did what you thought was best, but that is no excuse to put your health at risk and for what its worth i would of done the same thing in your situation.

to him

take care sweetheart

love ann

[Sharon xx]

...all decisions are the right ones at the time my lovely. This must be so tough on top of the sadness and all those hormones still raging around. Sending you a huge cuddle with love...........

Sharon xx

[poohbear]

Thank you, lovelies...

I won't, however, let Nate live in a filthy house with dirty dishes and trash and overflowing laundry hampers, if I can help it. I have been trying to at least do the minimum, to keep things from getting too badly out of hand. DH 2has been home more from college and at least has been playing video games with his little brother when he can, to give me a break. More than what his father has been doing, I'm afraid.

Keeping busy has been keeping my mind off my sadness a bit, at least. I just hate how DH likes to "punish" me with the cold shoulder, then gets angry if I want to go out and talk to someone else! He does this all the time, it seems. He even resents that I go online here to discuss things. But, what choice do I have? Why should a woman have to be isolated when she is hurting?

I am thinking of going back to the support group at the women's shelter here in town. I had been getting counseling there, because things were getting tough here at home and I needed someone who understood to talk to, but I stopped because I thought they were getting better. When I became PG, I thought it would all work out, not get worse.

[Helena]

PB ((((((hugs))))) You take good care of yourself.

[Allie]

So sorry for your loss PB
and also that things are tough with dh ~ take all the help you need from the womens centre, you are entitled to support
dh has no right to be jealous when he is adding to your pain
(sorry to be blunt)
Allie xx

[raccioc]

Well what can I say? Men are so.......... Ggggrrrrrrhhhh.....

I guess he feels hurt but acting like a spoiled child isn't going to help him feel better. I hope he comes round soon.

Rachel

[poohbear]

Thanks everybody.

I keep telling him that if I'd thought he would have reacted in a halfway positive manner, I wouldn't have done what I did. He just brought up that he hadn't freaked out when I'd told him about Nate, but, that was a different situation and baby. After all the ranting he's done about how old he is over the past year or so, I wasn't expecting much cheering from his side.

The odd thing is, right after I had Nate, all he did was talk about how he wanted another, then he did a complete turn around. But then, he's never been snipped, asked me to have my tubes tied, or suggested we use any BC to prevent this sort of thing from happening (other than the fact that we don't spend much time alone together). I would have thought that a man dead set against another baby being conceived, would take foolproof measures to be sure it couldn't happen again.

Men are tough creatures to figure out, eh?

(HUGS) everybody...

[pink3times]

Thinking of you sweetheart, this is a tough time for you and you need the support of your family. Feel sorry that DH isn't there for you right now like you said they are strange creatures.I hope you get the help you need at the women's centre don't be afraid to ask for support.
Love Becxxx