IVF decision

[Helen]

Went to see a consultant at Liverpool Women's on Tuesday and, based on my age, he thinks we should go for IVF. This is a massive decision for us. I've always been a freelancer working in the arts and dp is not a huge earner (he had a great budding career when he was in his twenties but had health problems and put health before money) We were about to buy a place together but a few rounds would certainly wipe out my savings ... and when I look at the odds they seem so low.

We've still got to have all of our tests and get the results but we've had the time running out bit pressed upon us so we're really feeling up against it.

I know a few ladies on here have had IVF so it would be good to hear your experiences. Just now we both feel as though we've done life a bit wrong!! But given that we only met a year and a half ago we have been fairly speedy... though alot to ask of a relatively new relationship.

Thanks for reading. Any advice/comments would be hugely appreciated.

Love Helen x

[june47]

Hi Helen,

I can understand your trepidation and I understand IVF is a lot of money to lay out with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it all.

I think you have to ask yourself, how would you feel in 3 years time if you didn't try? Could you live with the decision not to try? Would that be harder than trying and it not working?looking back in 3 years time and thinking ''at least we give it a go'' Unfortunately we can't go back - I wish I could have had babies in my late 20's and early 30's but life isn't that cut and dried is it? I would have loved 3 or 4 kids but life didn't pan out like that and same for a lot of women on here.

I hope you come to a decision that you can be comfortable with, if you do decide to go ahead, I would really, really urge you to get yourself in top condition healthwise, your diet is very important, it will optimise your chances of conceiving (I know for certain that I would not have had Jake without the radical changes I made whilst ttc) I am so, so lucky that I managed to have miracle Jake without IVF although I was classed as too old (it would be donor egg) and I had no money for either.

June x

[Ruth Walker]

Good luck with ttc, whatever decision you come to, Helen. I'm inclined to agree with June, in 3 years time you might wish you had tried, and still having your savings might not make up for that regret. If you try and fail you will have the rest of your lives to work to earn more money to buy a house. I hope you conceive naturally soon, so you don't need to make any decisions
xxx

[*julie*]

I agree with June. If you don't at least give it a go, you might always regret it.

We had a similar decision to make a couple of years ago. DH had had a vasectomy & we were trying to decide whether or not to get it reversed. We knew that the chances of it being successful were very slim, but I felt I could better deal with the thought of not having another child if we'd at least tried.
We weren't looking at as big an amount of money as you are (but it was a significant amount for us), and we did already have children, so our circumstances were different to yours, but I just knew that we had to give it a go.

Sadly, it didn't work for us and I have come to accept that I can't have another baby. It's tough, but not nearly as tough as it would be if we hadn't done anything. I'd always have been thinking "what if?" At least I know we did what we could, it just wasn't to be.

Like June says, how do you think you'd feel a few years down the line if you didn't try?

Wishing you all the luck with whatever you decide x

[Dandy]

Dear Helen,

the others are right and I was told many times if I did not try I would regret it. I did at the ripe old age of fifty and two weeks after that I gave birth to the most to darlings ever. Now I feel glad that I did try and it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. They are a constant delight and uplifting as can be. I say go for it. You can always save your pennies again. If you have any questions p.m. me. I will be glad to answer any questions.

love,

[Helen]

Thank you so much ladies for your lovely, frank replies. I think you are absolutely right in what you seem to unanimously be saying to me. I am following your diet recommendations June (with a few lapses!) Just need to get the excercise bit sorted out! Your story is hugely encouraging.

Daisy, I followed your IVF journey and I'm so glad you've had a happy outcome. Thanks for the offer of support, it means alot. As you'll all be aware, it can feel so isolating going through this ttc journey and the support and advice here is really very helpful.

I'm sorry the reversal didn't work for you Julie but I understand there must have been some comfort in the fact that you tried.

Think my mind's made up now. Just hope dp doesn't change his! In the meantime I will be attempting to give nature a good go at taking it's course .... (see you on the twot Ruth!)

Thanks again

Love Helen xx

[june47]

I have to admit Helen I didn't really exercise while ttc lol
But as you are younger than I was I say go for that bit as well!!
As for other half changing his mind he wont as long as you don't start hitting him with the 'baby brick' my hubby nearly gave up because it got a bit intense so just try and play it cool if it's taking a while to conceive (very hard I know) but its the best way - otherwise they wont be willing when the time is right for baby dancing!
June x

[Helen]

You're spot on June. My brick's been growing into a paving slab! Think dp has a permanent headache Thanks again for the sound advice xx