Hi I'm new and looking for advice

[Caro43]

Hi. I'm hoping someone can advise me. Im 43 and my DH is 42. We have one DS who will be 3 in August. I had a mc in March 09 at 14 weeks. We had found out through CVS at 12 weeks that our baby had edwards syndrome. We decided to try again but in Dec 09 a scan at 9 weeks showed that our baby had just died. We decided then and there that we would be grateful for our beautiful little boy and would not try again. However, I have just missed a period and a test today shows I am pregnant. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I would love to have another baby but just can't seem to feel positive about being pregnant. Everything I read seems to say I have little chance of a successful outcome to this pregnancy and I don't know how to get through the next few weeks of waiting and wondering. It would be great to hear from anyone who has been through anything similar or anyone who has any suggestions to keep me sane!!
Thanks
Caroline.

[twinkleteds]

Originally Posted by Caro43

Hi. I'm hoping someone can advise me. Im 43 and my DH is 42. We have one DS who will be 3 in August. I had a mc in March 09 at 14 weeks. We had found out through CVS at 12 weeks that our baby had edwards syndrome. We decided to try again but in Dec 09 a scan at 9 weeks showed that our baby had just died. We decided then and there that we would be grateful for our beautiful little boy and would not try again. However, I have just missed a period and a test today shows I am pregnant. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I would love to have another baby but just can't seem to feel positive about being pregnant. Everything I read seems to say I have little chance of a successful outcome to this pregnancy and I don't know how to get through the next few weeks of waiting and wondering. It would be great to hear from anyone who has been through anything similar or anyone who has any suggestions to keep me sane!!
Thanks
Caroline.

Hi there Caroline and welcome!!

you will get lots of sound advice on here. i dont have anything useful to say im afraid as i havent experienced anything like you.

there is a lady on here who swears by a small amount of aspirin but again not knowing your medical history i wouldnt say this will help you.
hope all is well for you and this time its right. take care Tina

[Ruth Walker]

Welcome Caroline and good luck, I hope this one works out just fine for you. The only observation I can make is that when I was pregnant with my son, it seemed like it would be a miracle if he would be born alive and healthy, given how the odds seemed. I felt so negative and was convinced it would all go wrong. But looking back now, when I'm not pregnant, the odds seem very different and more favourable (and of course, my son was fine). The thing to hold on to is that whilst yes, the risks of miscarriage and abnormality are higher for us than for younger women, we are still more likely to have a healthy child than not. There is a lady on here who had a healthy baby girl, after having a boy with Edward's syndrome, and many who have had successful pregnancies after multiple miscarriages. You are on the roller-coaster now and all you can do is let yourself experience everything in its rightful place, in other words, hope while there is hope, knowing that if it should sadly go wrong, there will be time enough to be sad or anxious then. But I hope there are only happy times ahead for you with this one.
xxx

[raccioc]

Totally empathise Caroline as I didn't believe I would have a healthy baby following my m/c until I held my daughter in my arms when she was born. In fact, when I was about 8 months pregnant I said something to a customer of mine which began with the words "if I have a baby...." Said customer looked at me as though I was barking mad!

Anyway, she is alive and well and has a baby brother too!

I think the best thing to do is to get a scan as early as possible so you know where you are, anything after 7 weeks or so will show a heartbeat if it is there.

I took aspirin following my m/c but I don't know if it worked or whether my subsequent pregnancies on it would have worked anyway. Also, when I conceived the baby I miscarried my dh was a smoker. He immediately gave up once I had had the m/c and hasn't smoked since. The babies I have had were both conceived with non smoking sperm, but again, I don't know whether this was just a co-incidence or whether him giving up smoking helped.

Hang in there - there is no easy answer to help you through the next few weeks. It's going to be hard I am afraid, but we are all here to support you, and plenty of us know how you feel. I think once you have experienced m/c you never take pregnancy foregranted again.

[jomama]

Hi Caroline

Congratulations on your pregnancy - although I know how hard it is in those early weeks.

I have no words of wisdom - I am never very good in those early stages, always checking everytime I go to the loo for any m/c signs, feeling every pain/twinge etc etc, but I always try and think positive .

You will gets lots of support from the great ladies on here.

Take care of yourself, especially in these early weeks.
J

[Caro43]

I want to say thank you for the really supportive replies. They mean so much. Me and my hubby have decided to take your advice and hope where there is hope. Im trying really hard to think positive and know that if the worse does happen, there will be plenty of time to grieve then. It would be lovely to give our little lad a sibling. Im not sure how he would feel about it though. He wasn't in the best mood when we walked the dog this morning. I pointed out a young baby in a pram. His response? "Yak, I don't like babies." Andy Pipkin in the making!! Im still trying to pluck up courage to see my GP. I feel a bit daft after being so adamant we would not try again. Im also know he will want me to have a scan straight away and they have come to mean nothing but bad news to me now. Somehow it feels safe at the moment with just me and hubby knowing. I know I have to face it though. Thanks again for the support. You really are the best ladies.!!

Caroline.

[twinkleteds]

Hi Caroline.

glad you are feeling better about it all. sure getting tests sooner rather than later will go some way to putting your mind at ease if you do decide to go to the GP's.

keep us informed how things are going

Tina xx

[bernie6]

Hi Caroline,

I dont get on here much these days but one of the other ladies tracked me down on facebook and asked me if i would have a word with you. We had a beautiful baby boy in May 2006 Joshua who sadly had Edward's syndrome ( my avatar is a pic of our gorgeous boy !) we were luckier than you and spent nearly 5 weeks with him before he sadly died. After i thought i would never have another baby especially after miscarrying in the Nov 06 but the following year around the time of Joshua's birthday we found out we were expecting again and i gave birth to Rachel in January 08. I will not pretend the pregnancy was easy as it was very stressful especially going for scan's ( we found out there was a problem with Joshua at my 20 week scan) but as the pregnancy progressed and i was kept reassured with scan that all was ok, i began to relax. My only tip to you is ask fro as much support as you can and regular scans. I hope and pray all goes well for you this time and by new year you will have a beautiful baby in your arms again.

love bernie

[Caro43]

Hi Bernie

Thank you so much for your post. I have never had the opportunity to speak to someone who has had a baby with Edward's. Joshua's photo is beautiful. You must miss him so much.

In our case I had a spot of bleeding at 11 weeks. I had a scan which showed our baby had fluid along her back. The NT was 4mm. I was referred to another hospital for CVS but the consultant did a scan and said she thought the NT was normal and the previous scan had actually been looking at the edge of the amniotic sac. She asked to see us again in a week, reassuring us she thought all was well. We were so relieved. However, the following week she scanned again and said the original scan had been correct. We were devastated. She did a CVS that day and rang us 3 days later to explain that our little girl had Edward's. We were told it was very likely I would lose her during the pregnancy and that if she did survive the pregnancy, she would die soon after birth. We were asked to consider our options. We were so torn about what to do and were still trying to decide when the decision was taken from us. I miscarried at 14 weeks. The sense of loss was unbearable.

We were so happy when I conceived again a few months later and although I was anxious, I felt sure the pregnancy would be ok. The old "lightening doesn't strike twice" thing. I went for a dating scan at 9 weeks to prepare for CVS and was told there was no heartbeat. The baby measured 9 weeks so had obviously just died. Again, we were devastated.

To find myself pregnant again has been a shock. We have told no-one and don't intend to. I'm trying to be hopeful but it's hard. I just keep telling myself that if it does all go wrong again, we still have our gorgeous little lad and he is the light of our lives.

Thank you all again for your fantastic support. It has been great to talk about what happened. I know friends and family are well meaning but everyone ignores the fact that we lost two little ones last year and we don't seem to be allowed to mention them.

Love

Caroline.

[june47]

Hi Caroline,

I really want to give you a big hug!! I Know you must be extremely worried as a lot of people (including me) have been after such sad circumstances.

For me, I took the view if I can't not be worried about the pregnancy I will just ignore the fact that I am, it was so stressful for me I felt that was the only way I could cope - that way I was not putting as much stress on myself and it worked well for a long time plus I ticked off every day on the calendar that I was still pregnant!
As for family and friends I told 2 people I was pregnant after Beau died, and they were so negative that I decided not to tell anyone at all and hid my pregnancy well lol so I had a baby before most people knew!! (It got a bit obvious around 6 months) I had to tell people about the first loss as they knew I was pregnant but subsequent pregnancy and m/c I kept to myself so I didn't have to explain anything to anyone, for me, it just made things easier to deal with that way.

If you look at the bottom of this message you will see what I am talking about. I am really happy for you that you have got this pregnancy now, sometimes these things happen when you least expect it, I got pregnant 12 weeks after my DD died. Someone once said, how do you make God smile? Tell Him your future plans

June x