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Old 16-05-2008, 01:29 PM
poohbear poohbear is offline
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Default in the doghouse

As predicted, DH was understandably upset that he never even knew I was PG till the time of my MC, but I didn't expect him to take my reasons for keeping things under wraps with him so poorly.

He will hardly even speak to me now. Yesterday, I was getting what felt like minor labor pains and still bleeding, but he didn't care. He has been going about messing up the kitchen and leaving it for me to clean up, complaining about everything, and not lifting a finger to help with Nate (who is sick) or anything else, as a form of punishment, I guess.

I told him that I knew from the start things probably wouldn't work was a gut feeling I had. I told him that I wished I could have let him know first about my PG as I had with all our other babies, but that I was extremely worried from the start and knew he would just feed into that. As it was, I spent nearly 2 months chewing my nails and literally pulling out my hair, just waiting for something to go wrong, and it did.

I also reminded him of when I found out I was PG with Nate, how he rushed out and told everyone including people outside the family, and this very thing could have happened with my last baby, too...then who would have had to tell the bad news?

He demanded to know last night, "What made you so sure you were going to miscarry when you've never had one before???" I told him even women much younger than I have MC, often multiple times, and what made him think I was exempt, especially at my age? He said, "You just had a healthy baby a few years ago!" I told him that was no guarantee that the next one would be all right, especially being as old as I am. I said I'd been extremely fortunate to have had 4 healthy pregnancies and babies in a row, and never to have had to go through the sorrow of losing one before this. I could not get through to him.

I said that as soon as I had gotten a scan and seen a living, normal baby in my womb, I would have rushed home to tell him the good news, but for some gut reason just didn't think it was right with this one.

I just didn't want to hear the blaming when something went wrong, either. As it was, he said, "What were you doing hauling boards the other day?" (He had removed a cabinet and I'd tried to help by tossing the pieces outdoors.) I couldn't get it through to him that there had been something wrong from the start, and that nothing I did after conception caused this. He went on and on wanting to know what went wrong and why, and I couldn't get through to him that there is just sometimes something known as a bad egg.

I know people will probably not be too sympathetic with me, as most would think I ought to have told him from the start, but I just needed to vent. I did what I thought was the least stressful thing for me at the time, and it backfired, I guess...
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