Some of the letters and emails received by Mothers 35 Plus
It's been great to find this website. Thank you for your detailed work.
I had my only child aged 40, as a professional single parent, with no problems conceiving or during pregnancy. My labour was 'precipitate', lasting 3 hours from 1st to 3rd stage and I had no difficulties at all, apart from arriving at hospital fully dilated and having to forego my 'home-from-home' room! Even the pain was not too bad; I had suffered appendicitis the year before and that pain was far worse than labour. I was fortunate to go to a hospital 'out of area' where the lovely staff were completely relaxed about my age and I had shared care between GP & community midwife. Unfortunately this would not have been the case at my local hospital, where a close friend had consultant care because of her age alone and mothers to be are classed as 'elderly' at 35!
I do feel strongly that older women are terrorised by statistics in some areas and also by media messages and societal ignorance, when I know as a health professional that the majority will go on to have normal and healthy babies, assuming they get pregnant in the first place. I also feel that I am a much better mother in many ways being older. I have more patience, I am not competing with my daughter and I have so much more life experience to draw upon in being her mother. Additionally, I am not struggling up a career ladder and I am happy to put her needs first and simply enjoy her childhood because I've had so long to prioritise my own needs. I would support anyone who wants a child later in life to go for it; my own experience has been really positive.
I would prefer to remain anonymous, but I will definitely be revisiting this site! It would be lovely to find some older mothers who are also bringing children up alone, because that is yet another stereotype to deal with.
The Mothers 35 Plus web site has been an absolute Godsend for me. The forum is fantastic. It's where we can meet and share our highs, lows, ask or give advice, or just have fun. I've met many true friends through this.
Being a mother is never easy; I just thank my lucky stars that I am old enough to qualify to be a member of this wonderful group, so always have many shoulders to lean on!
I spent much of my twenties and thirties in a relationship where having a child wasn't an option, so I did my best to pretend that I didn't want one. Five years ago, I met my husband and, suddenly, found us both talking about wanting a child. It was incredibly exciting, yet terrifying at the same time. Whilst we were trying to conceive, I found this site through an Internet search. I was absolutely wonderful to find that I wasn't alone, wasn't crazy and that I could share my deepest concerns with lovely, caring friends. They would always have advice, or even just a remote hug, to help us through.
We had our beautiful baby girl when I was 39. We are truly blessed. I've been a member of this site for over two years now and will remain a member for as long as it is here. I hope that is a very long time!
I found myself unexpectedly pregnant at the age of 39 and my youngest child was 17+. Terrified at the prospect of her reaction I turned to the web for advice. I found a website for older mothers that was quite interesting, but it didn't have the resources that I needed. It did have a link though to an amazing site.......that site was mothers 35 plus. I joined and posted my worries and got such a warm welcome from all the existing ladies and some very good advice. Unfortunately that pregnancy ended when at 11+ weeks a scan revealed the baby had lost it's heartbeat. I then lost touch with the site because the pain of losing the baby was all consuming and I found it too painful to talk about it. I was also thinking that was to be my last chance at motherhood.
Eight months after that first painful misscarriage I then found to my utter amazement I was pregnant again. Of course the first thing I did was return to the wonderful site that I knew would support me, come what may be. Straight away it felt like I was 'home', everyone was still as supportive if not more so. That pregnancy progressed to term with no problems and I had a wonderful little girl.
The 'girls' on the site helped me overcome the opposition from my eldest daughter to the pregnancy, who at 18+ felt mum was too old to be having more babies. They gave great advice on how to go about it and eventually she was more accepting of the new arrival. I'm sure it was down to the great advice I received.
To conclude, my daughter is not only accepting of her beautiful little sister, she absolutely adores her. I'm sure some of this is down to the way we went about things and that is down to some pretty impressive advice from some pretty impressive ladies on this site.
I am still as hooked on the site now as I was before I had my baby. Just recently I had another misscarriage........ twins this time......... and again the 'girls' were there giving me enourmous support. What would I do without this site.........I would'nt like to have to answer that one !!!
I found this site by error, a happy error when I was searching for information about miscarriages.
After being told I could never have another child at the age of 41 I found out I was pregnant, at nearly 12 weeks I saw my little one on a scan, the next day I miscarried and I was devasted.
My life didn't seem worth much, then one day I found this site. I read posts from women just like me who had been through so much and yet still found the courage to go on, not just go on but to try again and to give courage to others.
I lurked around for a while then joined the site and what a welcome I received. Whatever problem I have had I have been able to talk about it.
This site and the wonderful people on it have given me hope to try again and I know that if I have a problem I have some where I can talk to others who know what I'm going through.
Thank you all for this site and all its lovely ladies, never ever go away.
I found Mothers 35 Plus by accident when I was looking for information about being an older mum when I was pregnant with my son (sadly I wasn't on the net when I had my first son and had some worries then).
I have had the chance to meet some wonderful people, and get some excellent advice, and had a good giggle at times as well - no matter how down I feel at the time, there is always something that brings a smile to my face, even if it's just reading about someone getting a BFP. However, there are also times when my heart breaks for others, and I realise how lucky I am and just how cruel this world is at times.
This site gives us all a chance to share our news and worries and rant on knowing that we will get the back up and support that maybe others who are close to us can't or wont give. We can also discuss matters on here that maybe we can't at home, or with people close to us.
First rate site and a real comfort to someone who has just received the shocking news that she is pregnant with her FIRST child at 42!! Panic sets in for a career woman who had never thought about motherhood. First scan on Friday. I really have searched the web and yours is the best.
Your website is very interesting. Unfortunately I discovered your site after my daughter was born shortly before my 40th birthday. I wish I had found it during my pregnancy as it would have been re-assuring.
Hi, just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your site. Rather to my alarm, I find myself pregnant for the third time at 39, and its reassuring to find some moral support such as your site provides.
Bridget, New Zealand
Hi there, I found your site very informative and a great comfort when most people and professionals put you in the category of "medical intervention, miscarriage potential, chromosomal abnormality" or something equally daunting.
I am a fortnight away from my 41st birthday and have just discovered I am 5 weeks pregnant with my fourth child. I suffered a miscarriage at 37 at 13 weeks pregnant. All tests showed a healthy boy without abnormalities and we were unable to find out why he passed away. I had a CVS test done and he died inutero the day the "normal" results were delivered which was unmeasurably traumatic for us both.
This time around I have decided not to go through any testing as I am going to trust in God and my gut instinct which says things are OK. We decided not to tell our families until much later in the pregnancy.
My husband will be 49 years of age and has a 23 year old son from a previous marriage. I have two children from a previous marriage aged 15 and 13 and we have a son together aged 8, so we've been there and done that so to speak.
I loved reading your articles from mothers and I found them both amusing and comforting. I'm keeping my fingers crossed about not having to suffer miscarriage again, and am really looking forward to another healthy baby.
Contrary to the opinions of many in the community when they consider unexpected, older aged pregnancies, we are really happy about it all. My husband just smiled his sweet smile and I thought well, what will be will be and I will have faith that there is a lovely purpose for this child in life.
Thanks for a great site. Love and light.
Kathy (Tasmania, Australia)
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